“No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.”  – Nathaniel Hawthorne

“We understand how dangerous a mask can be. We all become what we pretend to be.” – Patrick Rothfuss

What am I doing? I feel as though I’m lost inside my own life. I believe I chose to begin this blog with the intention of discovering my own moral compass and to see if somehow, and by someway, I could help another strayed soul find something to hold on to. Maybe by holding on to me?

Hi my name is Julian, it isn’t really, I’m a 22 year old college student residing in Puerto Rico, that’s true.  I’ve gone through the majority of my life with exceedingly high goals and a family, which I cherish very much, which have pushed these goals even higher. Subsequently these circumstances have helped develop an utterly confused and ambitious man that doesn’t have any clue as to where to point his insatiable need of self-fulfillment and validity.

 I used to be very fat; this developed a secondary unconscious critic in the depths of my person.  This persona has been the number one cause of my distaste in, practically, every facet of my existence. Indeed this is no excuse, I know this, I understand this. But alas here I am. Although this does not imply that I haven’t done anything. Simply, in my perspective, my achievements are as consequential as a lock of hair on a bald mans scalp; he’s still bald and looks fucking ridiculous with that on his head. He should just really shave that off.

Moreover, I’m really not who I project myself to be. Hence, I’m a shell of a misconstrued ideal I created a long time ago. The cheery, over confident person my smile seems to evoke, couldn’t be farther from the truth; or is it a glimpse at my fractured interiority? I can’t shake the feeling that I have a group of spectators, besides myself, that are in constant wait of failure. If I could just turn around, flip a finger and be on my way I would; however, deep down I truly do believe I care too much about what others have to say.

As you might have guessed, this is where I take off my shackles. This shall be the space where I, for the first time, have an expanse where I can just talk about anything without expecting a retort. Ironically, this is where I can become unmasked, where I know I lay in anonymity and am concealed from the world.

Hello internet, my name is Julian Gale Bigaras and I don’t care what you think! I really do.