What an eerie feeling. It’s like I’m staring at one of my possible life decisions…But what is much more pressing is the fact that I’ve written vigorously for the past few months. Yes, I know I’ve been absent as of late. But anyone could become apathetic towards an activity that consumes most of your days. As I imagine that you’ve been able to guess writing doesn’t come too naturally for me. So this thesis of mine has been a real pain in my developing arthritis. Oh, did I forget? I’m constructing my thesis for the last year of my bachelors in architecture. It’s been a blast. Not. Hence my hesitation towards writing anything besides these damn infernal pages. I thought living in New York would allow me the opportunity to actually explore myself as a human being. Oh, wait what? I didn’t mention that I’m living in New York? Well gosh, it truly has been too long since we last spoke. This begs for a more detailed explanation.
I haven’t specified before but I’m an architecture student. It is my solemn and honorable duty, and by solemn and honorable I mean selfish and conceited, to travel the world and learn as much about culture and constructed patrimonies as I can; to design spaces as adequately as possible. See where the dual meanings come into play? In this self-righteous and pretentious profession traveling is smiled upon. My university, let’s call it the School of Over Exposed Architectural Perspectives or SOEAP, offered the opportunity to study this semester abroad. What better place to start than New York City.
Holy Jesus was I excited. I could finally discover if my survival instincts were up to par with what is expected of me as a full-fledged adult. I would later find out that basic cereal making skills do not qualify as “cooking” and that my only tools of survival were never really tools. But I digress, we could talk about that at a later time. More importantly, as I made my way to the roof of my newly rented apartment building, I began contemplating a conversation we were supposed to have about…what were they called again? You know, one of those supposed epiphanies people always rave about. As I was admiring the amazing cityscape that was before me, I had one. It went something a bit like this:
“I’m going to stop putting myself down! This is my chance to truly redefine myself as a person. I’m going to stop fretting about all my insecurities and I’m going to embrace a new me. I don’t need the mask anymore, I’m going to become a better version of myself and this city is going to help me do it. Say goodbye to JGB, and say hello to the real thing!”
3 months ago I was a very foolish man. Obviously, I haven’t changed that much. Besides the bird nest growing on my face, I’m pretty much the same pathetic excuse of a human being I’ve always been. Yeah, I actually agree with this. But on a side note, this beard is amazing. So to recap the last few months: I’ve moved to New York, started and failed effortlessly time and time again on my thesis preliminaries, I’ve become a glutton of small Indian, Thai and Japanese cuisine, I’ve almost completely missed most of the amazing things that happen in this city and I haven’t actually met a single person during my time here. Yes you heard right: not a single person. That is a topic for another day.
Oh! I almost forgot. I’m writing this while acting as a stand-in at an architecture office. As I scout my surroundings I’m fearful that this might be waiting for me. That same over clicked keyboard in all its antiquated glory patiently waiting to envelop me in its repetitive ritual. I really wouldn’t like being confined to an office of any sort. If New York has served for something, it’s that it’s given me certainty in my dislike for the mundane. I’m not saying I’m the incarnation of Indiana Yorker, but the hustle and bustle of this dynamic urbanity sure helps keep me distracted.
Hello anonymous lectors, my name is Julian Gale Bigaras and I’m a new man! Not quite.
P.S: Sorry for the long post, I’m making up for lost time. I’m also posting that epiphany I had shortly after this write-up. It’ll serve to give some perspective to this post. Tootles.